Christmas is over, New Year's is approaching, fall semester 2010 is totally done and grades have been back for almost a week.
I learned so much this semester. I walked into class the first day nervous that I had forgotten a lot of my language skills over the summer, slightly scared to be in classes that were taught in ASL (rather than classes in which ASL was taught, even if the teacher only used ASL to teach). I didn't know how I would measure up, wasn't sure if I was actually good enough to be in the ITP, and very aware that B- was failing in all of my ASL classes.
Many of the 8 other girls who were in that first ITP class in August were already my acquaintances; a few I hadn't met. By the end of this semester we were family. Friendships were forged, pain shared, interpretations critiqued. Sometimes we fought, sometimes we cried, but whatever we did, we did it together.
I feel that I have grown, as a signer, from someone able to carry on a basic conversation to someone able to understand a broader range of topics and more comfortable in any situation. I'm certainly not fluent, but I have made a leap in that direction. My interpretation skills have gone from very little to some. I understand the processes behind interpreting more and have the head knowledge, if not really the skills, which will enable me to become an interpreter.
I feel I proved myself too. As the youngest student in this ITP cohort and one of the most inexperienced signers, I often felt I had catch up work to do. Maybe I wasn't good enough to be there, maybe I should have waited to join the program until next year. At the end, however, looking at my grades and critiques, I know I belong. I'm not the best, though I have strengths (and weaknesses) in unique areas, but I'm certainly not behind my classmates.
I've learned jargon words and processing skills in CPDA (1220). Learned what it takes to actually interpret. I've been handed the skills to do what I love. Been allowed to try my hand at interpreting, and found it's a whole lot harder than I thought it would be! I can analyze a discourse now, a skill I'm not sure I actually wanted to learn! My prediction skills in particular are a strength.
I learned head knowledge in Intro (1200). Learned Deaf history and became so familiar with registers I can talk about them in my sleep. I also learned how to think about myself; something that's often hard to do. Learned to make goals, learned to write reflectively and analyze new information. Learned I cannot write and listen to music words at the same time! Drowned myself in the Code of Professional Conduct. I feel I have a better grasp on the concept of ethics, though mastery is far from me. Learned the difference between the words "intrapersonal" and "interpersonal."
I learned language in 2010. Learned to classify accidents and pretty much everything else! Learned words and vocabulary. Learned I'm not perfect, and that's okay. Learned to take a deep breath and relax with my videos. Learned that not knowing my grade day by day is okay as well. :)
I learned how to have fun in Conversation 1 (1300). Learned to just hang out and not stress about my signing. Learned that I'm still pathetic at reading fingerspelling!
Overall, my stress level this semester was higher than it has been ever before. I wanted to be perfect so badly. I wanted to be recognized as someone who deserved to be in the ITP. I wanted my professors to look at me and think "she'll be a good interpreter someday." I wanted my peers to acknowledge my skills. This was my chance to start to shine and I wanted it so badly. I wanted to not only pass classes, I wanted to ace them. I didn't want to walk away with anything else than a 4.0. But I didn't know if I could do it.
Well, I did it. When all was said and done, everything I poured into this semester is represented on official paper by four letters. A, A, A, A. I got the 4.0 GPA I wanted. But now, I look back, and realize that it might not have been worth it. One, or two, A minuses wouldn't have killed me. In fact, I wouldn't have killed myself like I did if I had allowed myself to be something else than as perfect as I could be. Last time I got a 4.0 I glowed and gloated for months... this time it's like it doesn’t really matter. Yes, I know my skills improved and if I had gotten straight Bs I would have known my skills weren’t as good as they needed to be. At the same time, maybe less stress and more fun would have resulted in more learning overall?
Often, the lessons learned in the classroom are so much bigger than just the information needed to write the next paper or pass the next test. I’m blessed to be at a school and in a program where learning those bigger lessons is possible.
Next semester starts two weeks from yesterday. 14 credits, all ITP classes. I know it’s going to be harder than this semester, in a way. At the same time, I have two of the same profs again and feel I know what they expect. I know what it takes to succeed in the program. I know I belong and no one is looking at me wondering why I’m there.
I’ve fallen in love with this language I’m learning to interpret. Fallen in love with the culture to which I’m being introduced. I intend to work just as hard as I always have... but maybe stress a bit less.
Spring semester 2011: Bring it on!
